Category: Thoughts & Psychology

Material Girl

Materialistic! This was a bad word in the times when I grew up. It means to be excessively concerned with material possessions, to be money-oriented. It was bad to be material-oriented. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be good. The intention behind the lesson was well-meaning but it was received in error. Little did anyone know, let alone myself, that my brain didn’t have a channel of gray connecting black and white. It only understood extremes. Good and bad. Yes and no. Right and wrong. My brain’s receiver had access to Read More

When It’s Easy, It’s Easy…But What About When It’s Hard?

Someone recently posted a question to a group of people with eating disorders: On a scale from 1-10, how badly do you want recovery? The answers ranged from 0 to 1,000,000. Many answers stated that it depended on the day. And that’s the part I find particularly fascinating… In my own recovery, I certainly cycled through periods of wanting recovery so badly I would do anything for it. On other days, I resigned myself to accepting the fate without hope. On those days, I just didn’t have it in me. What was interesting to me, and I began Read More

A True Work Of Heart

Acts without kindness of heart are empty, and often incredibly challenging. In the early days of my treatment and recovery from an eating disorder, I struggled. A lot! Only in retrospect can I see how much fear, anger, and rage I held within. This is what, I believe, made recovery so difficult for me. You see, from the heart, actions flow. But I didn’t know it at the time. I had separated emotion and behavior. I hadn’t understood that they were part of a chain reaction and that one was tied to the other. My eating disorder behaviors Read More

The Opportunity In Overwhelm

Recovery can be liberating and freeing. It can be beautiful and joyful. It can also be painful and scary, frustrating and depressing. In the times of beauty and joy, you feel strong and able. Things feel do-able, goals feel achievable. But, when you feel frightened or hurt, the vision for a brighter future goes out the window and becomes a distant dream that feels like it will never materialize. In my own recovery journey, I’ve experienced many periods of cycling through the good and bad, alternating between seeing myself as both a power woman and a powerless, incapable Read More

Making Friends With The Enemy

There is a suggested strategy of talking back to your eating disorder when it speaks to you harshly. When it tells you you’re worthless or fat, you fight back. Instead of submissively agreeing with it, you stand up against it and say, “No, I’m not. I’m perfect just the way I am. I deserve to eat. You don’t control me.” I’ve tried this strategy but it’s never felt like a good one to me. From the e-book, understanding, by kristen elliott The above is an excerpt from my e-book in which I discuss why I abandoned the strategy Read More