Follow your inner wisdom for recovery. This is your guidance system. And it can be trusted.
Do you believe that?
I do. I think I’ve always believed that, but there was a time when I was too afraid to put it to the test. I was too afraid of myself. I had very little trust in myself. But, it turns out, trust in myself was instrumental to my (eating disorder) recovery.
This trust didn’t develop overnight though. It took time.
In The Beginning
In the beginning of my recovery I trusted no one, least of all myself. Treatment required that I test the waters of what I was being told.
After 20 years of having lived with an eating disorder, I was already at a point where I realized that everything I had been doing wasn’t working. I was willing, albeit skeptically, to trust.
Trust who? Trust what, though?
Where I Placed My Trust
I was willing to trust my treatment team. I was willing to test out what they were telling me. And that’s where it all began.
I chose to trust something different.
In the past, I had placed my trust in a faulty and structurally unsound foundation. I had once believed in a world of diets and weight loss, of restriction and control. It hadn’t worked. I knew this now. I saw it as plain as day.
My treatment team told me the opposite of all that I had once believed. I chose to trust them.
My Body Is Okay
My treatment team told me that my body has a set point weight that it will naturally defend. They also told me I actually have very little control over my natural weight. And, almost most shockingly, they told me that my natural weight and the shape of my body was/is, well, natural. I was okay!
And there I sat with two totally different ideas of life and of myself. One based on fear and rejection and the other based on trust and acceptance.
The latter felt more peaceful. There was something in my heart that guided me towards the peaceful path.
And so began a journey of unraveling. It was an unraveling of myself and a shedding of all the barriers that I had built against myself.
The journey hasn’t ended either, not in the least. But, I can confidently say I have crossed over a very treacherous bridge and into a greener pasture.
At times, the crossing was hellish. I wanted to go back to where I’d come from. There was safety in familiarity. But, I kept on choosing trust even in the midst of fear. It didn’t lead me astray.
This is what recovery is. A continuous choosing of yourself because you believe in the light in you instead of the dark.
Seek your inner wisdom. It is there. Recovery is possible!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on your own inner wisdom below. You can also send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you would like to know a bit more about me, feel free to check out my e-book, Understanding, available here as a free download.
For additional information and resources on eating disorder help and support, please visit NEDA’s website.